The dreaded "soccer mom"---we all know who she is. Dressed in yoga pants, a neon shirt, and a visor, she is often seen driving aggressively across town in an SUV, carting her brood off to practice. Not all soccer moms are crazy, but many are: they tend to think far too highly of their own children and far too poorly of everyone else. This attitude can lead them to treat other people with suspicion, contempt, or total disregard. All that matters to a soccer mom is that she and their children are treated well and taken care of---forget the rest of humanity!
This can lead to some truly embarrassing situations, like the following story, brought to you by Reddit.
Like all great stories, this one begins at McDonald's.
It had been a long day, and Meghan was starving. She was patiently waiting in line with her friend when suddenly, an SUV pulled up and parked right in front of the entrance.
A large group of 9-year-olds dressed in soccer uniforms filed out of the vehicle, followed by a tall, lanky, Hispanic woman. The woman immediately went to use the restroom while the kids all rushed to the PlayPlace. When she returned, Meghan saw the soccer mom call one of the kids over to her, kneel down, and whisper something in his ear. Uh-oh! What was all that about?
The next second, the kid was behind Meghan in line, pulling on her shirt to get her attention.
"Would it be OK if I got in front of you? I just want an ice cream cone," the boy asked.
Meghan stood there for a moment, her stomach growling as she contemplated her response. Although she had a good idea of what was coming next, she eventually caved in and let the boy get in front of her in line. That would prove to be a huge mistake, but how could Meghan have known what this small act of generosity would bring?
Seeing that her plan had worked, the soccer mom walked over to join her son in line in front of Meghan. She turned around and thanked Meghan, pulled out her phone, and began talking to someone who was apparently another mother.
"Kristen, hi, I'm getting the boys lunch at McDonald's. I'm about to order; if you tell me what you guys want, I can just order it with mine. Then you guys won't have to wait when you get here. Yeah, go ahead...ok, four cheeseburger Happy Meals with Sprite; two McNuggets, one with Coke, one with Hi-C..."
The nerve! At that moment, the front door opened wide and eight MORE children spilled into the restaurant. They were all wearing the same soccer uniforms as the other kids, so the soccer mom's order just doubled. Meghan couldn't believe it, but then again, she could---she had seen this coming as soon as the boy had asked for her place in line. She wasn't going to let this woman walk all over her, though. Not when she was this hungry and not when she'd done them the kindness of letting them cut in front of her in the first place.
Meghan politely tapped the soccer mom on the shoulder and said, "Excuse me, I thought that you said you were only buying one ice cream cone, but it sounds like your order is actually going to be much larger. My friend and I are only ordering one meal each, so we'd like our spot back in line." It sounds like a reasonable request, doesn't it? Well, that's not how the soccer mom saw it. From the way she reacted, you would have thought Meghan had slapped the woman's son in the face.
The soccer mom instantly spun around and screamed, "What did you just call me?!" Meghan, understandably, was a bit confused. The lady took advantage of Meghan's confusion to launch into a speech about how "I am being disrespectful to her and her kids by using such language."
Everyone else in the restaurant had fallen silent and were watching the soccer mom go off on Meghan with the same shocked expression as Meghan. They were equally befuddled by the woman's reaction. As her rant continued, a line of people formed behind them. This was, after all, a fast food restaurant around lunchtime. The place was packed.
Meghan took a deep breath and, as emotionlessly as possible, said, "Lady, you just used your kid to cut in line, don't tell me you're upset that I 'disrespected' him. You should feel ashamed of yourself for causing a scene to try to make me feel embarrassed so you can get away with cutting in line!"
Instead of admitting to the truth of Meghan's statements and apologizing, the soccer mom doubled-down on her hysterics. She accused Meghan of being racist, even though Meghan herself is Mexican-American. Then she said that Meghan ought to be ashamed for trying to cut in front of the little boys. They had just played a soccer game and were very hungry and very tired, after all! Meghan didn't even have time to acknowledge the stupidity of that statement before someone else got involved in the confrontation.
Soon, the manager came out from behind the counter to deal with the situation. The crazed soccer mom immediately began demanding that the manager physically remove Meghan from the restaurant; meanwhile, Meghan threatened to call the police on the woman. When the soccer mom heard this, she herself started threatening to call the police on Meghan.
Flustered and confused by the confrontation, the manager initially began apologizing to and siding with the soccer mom since she was the loudest party. However, the other customers waiting in line who had witnessed the entire confrontation from the beginning started to vocally defend Meghan. One woman who was at the counter placing her order even offered to add Meghan and her friend's order to her's, essentially moving them to the very front of the line.
"Sure, we'll take two Big Mac meals with Diet Cokes. Thanks!" Meghan yelled gleefully over the hysterical soccer mom. After the good Samaritan placed their order, the woman went over to the soccer mom and said straight to her face: "If you would have been ready with your order, you could have gotten your food just like everyone else. If you cared so much about your kids' wellbeing, you would have taken them to eat healthier food. People like you make me sick. I can't believe I'm about to say this, but you're a terrible person. I feel sorry for your kids."
Meghan couldn't believe it! Not only had she gone from getting cut in front of in line to getting her food for free, but now the same random stranger who had just paid for her food was standing up for her and calling out this crazy soccer mom for her insane behavior and bad parenting. Finally, justice was being served! But the soccer mom hadn't gotten her just desserts to round off this hearty meal of karma.
Meghan and her friend happily took their food over to a table and sat down to eat. Meanwhile, the soccer mom stood staring at the stranger who had just called her out. It was as if no one had ever in her life dared to suggest that she might be at fault or in the wrong for something. She was caught off guard and was trying to figure out how to react when suddenly, her eyes grew huge and she let out an ear-piercing shriek.
Initially, Meghan thought that the woman was having a complete mental breakdown in response to being called out publicly for her bad behavior. Then, she noticed that the soccer mom wasn't looking at the good Samaritan, she was actually looking past her, out the window to where she had hastily parked her large SUV.
What happened next was so glorious, so utterly perfect, so totally satisfying, that only Meghan's own words can truly do it justice:
"The crazy soccer mom just stood there without even blinking. The WHOLE joint just stood there without even so much as taking a breath. We could see it in her eyes, she was trying to think of something to say... She was about to go into another fit of rage, we all thought.
Then, suddenly, she yelled out, 'MYYY CAAAR!' We all turned to look out the window and see her SUV getting towed. She ran outside, pushing her poor kid over, and began pleading with the officer, using her children as a shield and excuse, howling at the cop, 'Who's going to take them to the game they have in an hoOOuuUUuur?!' Her hysterical act didn't work on the officer though, who had probably seen it a thousand times before. He had absolutely no sympathy for her and her car was towed. Her husband had to show up to pick her and the kids up, and he was not happy with her little theatrics.
She kept arguing with the officer, rambling things I couldn't hear nor cared to listen to since I was already enjoying my meal...when suddenly---another blood-curdling scream!
We turned around again and now she was getting cuffed! Apparently, someone at the restaurant had called the cops because this crazy woman was going nuts. When the cop got there, he noticed an SUV parked in a handicapped spot that didn't have the proper plates or a permit to be parked there. When he ran her plates to issue her a ticket, all sorts of other crazy violations came up on her record.
It turns out this lady didn't have a license nor insurance, she had various outstanding tickets, and she was involved in a hit and run.
The look on her face while she was getting hauled off, together with her husband yelling all kinds of insults at her for being such an idiot, was priceless."
Meghan and her friend, as well as the other customers, were now free to enjoy their meal in peace. A wicked woman got what was coming to her and Meghan had front row seats to see it all go down. Again, only Meghan's own words can properly describe how she felt in that moment:
"Now THAT was a dinner and a show."