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Usually people will go on a date at a particular restaurant for quality food/drinks or the ambiance, not to have their entire evening completely derailed. Unfortunately, that's exactly what happened with these couples. While a lucky few made it through these sloppy ordeals with their relationship intact, almost everyone in these stories didn't stay for seconds. This content has been edited for clarity.

The Less Said The Better
The Less Said The Better

"I met this young woman for dinner. She was never married, no kids. She got super wasted, ended up saying A LOT of crazy things. I could write an entire story about the evening, but here's the kicker:

At one point, I see her eyes light up as she apparently remembered she hadn't told me something important. She says, 'OMG, I haven't shown you my daughter!'

'Huh, what's this all about?' I wondered. I thought she didn't have kids. The woman reached into her purse and pulled out a Polaroid and handed it across the table to me. It was a picture of her sitting in a hospital room chair with some guys arm over her shoulder, both smiling at the camera. HOLDING A STILLBORN BABY!!!

At this point I had no reaction. It had been 3 hours into the night and an ever-increasing string of surreal events. I just handed it back and said, 'I've got nothing to say about that.'

My Hopes And Dreams Are Just Hanging On By A Thread.
My Hopes And Dreams Are Just Hanging On By A Thread.

"I (male, 19 years old at the time) had just started my first semester of college at an out-of-state (Kentucky) university. This was a totally new environment to me and I knew absolutely no one at this school (I had lived in a very small town in Illinois for much of my life), but I was very outgoing and made friends pretty easily.

I had lived on campus for about a week when I befriended a beautiful girl from one of my classes (let's call this girl 'Emily'). Anyway, Emily and I started having lunch together, along with her circle of friends, but I was definitely getting the feeling she was interested in me. Wanting to be more than friends, I invited her to hang out at my dorm room with some of my new friends. She accepted the offer and we flirted back and forth. It was still not an official date or anything, but we ended up talking all night about classes, music, religion, etc. By the time morning came around, I am prepared to ask her out on a date.

The following day, in class, I asked her if she would like to go on a date with me, and she said definitely, but there were some 'things she needed to take care of' and we set a date for Saturday at the cafeteria.

I asked her out on a Wednesday, so it did strike me as a little odd that she would be busy until Saturday. My mind began to wonder, 'Is she seeing someone and breaking it off with them?' and other crazy nonsense, but whatever, I had scored a date with a girl that was well out of my league, so I felt like the biggest man on campus.

Saturday finally came, and I was ecstatic. I put on some nice clothes and busted out my classic Old Spice cologne. Emily and I met up in the commons and headed towards cafeteria. She seemed a bit nervous, but I did my best to disarm her.

We got to the cafeteria and chitchated while making our choices when one of her friends asked her to eat dinner with the group. Emily accepted this offer immediately. 'She's not that into me and I'm being friend-zoned,' is about the only thing that was running through my mind at this point, but I told her that it was fine, since we would probably do something after dinner anyway. The night was not ruined but my little hopes and dreams are just hanging on by a thread.

We sat down at the table, Emily was right next to me and she actually grabbed my hand under the table. My little naive 19-year-old heart was all aflutter, the Old Spice had done it again! I recognized most of the people at the table, and I noticed that no one had started eating yet. No big deal, I figured everyone else must have just came over here as a group. This is when I noticed everyone at the table was looking at me. I knew this was not good.

Her friends started asking me pretty innocent questions: where I was from, what I wanted to major in, blah blah blah. I answered as best I could, thinking this is some sort of set-up by Emily to see if I was accepted by her friends, and I continued playing it cool. Around the time I was answering my tenth question I become aware that there are no side conversations going on, everyone was fixated on me and each question was getting increasingly deeper. At that point, I was CERTAIN something was going on, perhaps Emily planned this dinner to be some sort of cruel joke? I was sweating whilst being bombarded by questions that are too pointed by a group of people I barely knew and I began to freak out.

Emily finally spoke up. I was assuming she saw how anxious I was getting, and she said, 'So, why haven't you accepted Jesus as your savior?'

Oh, wow.

Remember that night Emily and I had talked about music, classes, and religion stuff? Well, apparently she thought I was a great guy (so her instinct is not totally off), but I had mentioned that I was an atheist, but had nothing against theists. She did want to date me, but only if her and friends could convert me, as she could never be a Christ Ambassador and date an atheist. Anyway, I'm stunned at what is going on but at least I know what is happening at this point.

Emily had plotted some sort of atheist intervention for me, and she needed a few days to get all her friends in on it, clever girl. I finished my dinner, with atheism intact, and informed Emily it was the worst date and most awkward dinner experience ever, but she wasn't even worth me faking salvation to get into her pants.

Emily called me for a few weeks after that, usually just to tell me that she was sorry I could not get over the fact that she was christian (way to turn the tables), but she would give me another chance if I found God.

Shine on, eternal optimism, shine on."

Can We Just Get The Check Now?
Can We Just Get The Check Now?

"About two years ago, my girlfriend and I were at a Chinese restaurant in SoHo. Another couple, on what appeared to be their first date, sat next to us. If you've ever been to SoHo, you know that the restaurant space in many places is limited, and they cram you in beside one another.

Well, this seating arrangement allowed us to be part of their date without their explicit consent. It was obvious the woman was bored stiff with his vapid mouth flapping; she couldn't really get a word in as he went on and on about himself.

Besides coming off as a pompous imbecile, the guy dropped his water on the ground next to my girlfriend in an attempt to get her wet, after he saw that we were snickering at how awful his date was going."

Duck And Cover!
Duck And Cover!

"In high school, I fell in love with this really beautiful girl the first time I saw her. I am a shy guy when it comes to confrontation and as it turned out, so was she. I found out through classmates that she had a thing for me too so, I mustered up the courage to ask her out.

She and her family are very conservative, and she told me that if her parents knew about her dating anybody, they would not be happy. With a fair bit of planning and clever lies, she managed to get permission from her parents to 'have dinner at her friend's place' that night. I took her to a decent restaurant. She told me that she found it a bit surprising that her parents actually allowed her to go out on a school night without much fuss. So was I.

We ordered dinner and were having a great time; she was even tickling my leg with her toes under the table. Suddenly, she dropped her fork and ducked down under the table. An older couple sitting next to us started giggling upon seeing her do that. I looked around and I realized why she went rogue. I saw her parents walk into the front door of the restaurant!

Because we lived in the same neighborhood, her parents knew me and upon seeing me, came over to have a little chat. They asked me what I was doing here and in my panic I said I was there by myself! It must have seemed really odd to them that I had two dinner plates on the table, two glasses, two sets of everything. The older couple next door knew exactly what was going on and giggled even more. My date, still under the table, sneezed at one point! Her parents stood and talked to me for about 10 solid minutes all the while their pious daughter was under the table, signaling me to hurry it up. To make matters worse, they took their table not too far from ours.

With my lady still under the table, I gobbled up my dinner and most of hers and just waited for a quiet moment to slip her out. Fortunately, her dad went to the bathroom and since her mum was sitting with her back to us, we got our chance and my lady bolted out the door. I paid the bill at the counter and got the heck out of there.

We both agreed that this was a pretty unfortunate date, with no fault of our own. So much awkwardness on a first date was a bit too much for us but we still shared a good laugh about it. With the cutest smirk, she said to me 'You didn't even buy me any dessert!' and we shared our first beautiful kiss; my legs gave way and I fell in love with her even more.

Months later, that girl cheated on me."

"Go Crawl Under A Rock And Die"

"I had a girl beg me to take her out. I can't drive, so she had to pick me up, and we went to this restaurant on the other side of town. Everything seemed to be going fine. I had her laughing and was telling her a bunch of interesting stories. She had my attention the entire time as well. She was far from boring. Just when I finished eating, I started to feel light-headed. This is very rare for me, but it's happened before and I knew what was going to happen next.

Before I could warn her, I passed out at the table. I fell on the floor. When I came to, she was gone and the owner of the restaurant was hassling me to pay the bill. I paid the bill and walked the 11 miles home. I tried calling everyone I knew, but no one was answering their phone. There's no public transportation in our area either.

I ran into her a week later. Curious to what her excuse would be, I asked where she got off to that night. She called me a freak and asked me to go crawl under a rock and die.

That was pretty much the last straw for me. I gave up on finding someone to be with."

"At This Point, I Was Thoroughly Dissociated From The Situation"

"I had an online date in a major metropolitan area. The young woman was 25, college graduate, attractive in her photos, and apparently keen on getting together after a bit of correspondence. Super. We arranged to meet for seafood.

She showed up with two of her friends (another couple, male and female) in tow. She explained, 'Oh, they just wanted to come into the city with me.' Within the first minute, the date was awkward and off-putting, but the friends quickly separated from us and I figured things would at least progress pleasantly.

As we walked toward the restaurant that we had agreed upon, she suggested going somewhere else. Fine, no big deal. We sat down, had our orders taken, and waited. Within five minutes, her two friends entered and took a nearby table. Bizarre, but whatever. Dinner conversation mostly consisted of her regurgitating marketing jargon while attempting to regale me with tales about working at an Apple store. I'm a political consultant by trade, so I wasn't exactly enthralled by the delicate 'science' of being a floor salesperson for MacBooks.

We finished eating and her friends joined us at our table. The female friend, who was absurdly more attractive than my date, informed us that there was a shop she wanted to check out before leaving the city. I was invited to come along.

It turns out to be a store that specialized in bondage and fetish material, particularly latex. For my part, I was wearing a Brooks Brothers button-up and a pair of khakis. After listening to the female shopkeeper pontificate on the pleasures of constriction and sweating, my wholly unattractive date, with whom I had never discussed this sort of thing and in whom I had no romantic interest, inquired, 'So, are you into role-playing?'

At this point, I was thoroughly dissociated from the situation. I only managed to blurt out, 'Do I look like I'm into role-playing?'

She didn't say much after that, save for a strange aside in which she commented, 'You don't look all that interested. The last guy I took here was so excited and was touching everything.'

Yup. Evidently the fetish store was a frequent early date destination. Eventually, I walked her and her friends back to her car and attempted to part gracefully with my traditional non-interested handshake.

'Don't I get a hug?'

So, I awkwardly embraced the kinky little troll. We said our goodbyes and that was that.

Still kinda irked that I didn't get to see her friend try on a corset."

Something Smells Far Too Fishy

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Something Smells Far Too Fishy

"I had a date with this girl I was anxious to impress. She was a gentle soul, as well as a vegetarian who liked Chinese food, so I picked a likely spot in Chinatown and off we went.

During dinner, we're chatting and having a nice time, when she just goes white. I look in the direction she was facing and realized that from where we are sitting, she has a prime view of the fish tank. One of the kitchen guys had come out, reached into the tank and grabbed a fish, and then he killed it by smacking it hard on the counter.

She tried hard to be cool about it, but I could tell she was rattled. We actually did manage to have a good time, but it took about 40 minutes to get over the shock."

"Commence Ten Friends And My Date Catching Me Fertilizing The Asphalt"

"I'm 18 and on a first date, the first date ever with another boy (I'm gay). We're having a great time hanging out with a group of my friends. We have dinner, and then before we head to this big house party we stop for ice cream. I know I'm not supposed to have dairy (I'm lactose intolerant), and I don't have any of my pills, but everyone's having some and I feel left out and I miss ice cream, so I get some as well. Three scoops, because it had been a few months since I had any ice cream at all, and I was really missing it, you know?

So anyway, we all get into our cars to drive to the house party, about twenty minutes away. On the way I start to feel a little urgency. Meanwhile, I'm trying to keep cool because my date is going really well. We pull up to the house, and park on the street. I start to book it towards the house, which has one of those super-long driveways in from the street. About halfway there, I stop in my tracks. I have to go. Poop. Right. Now.

I have two choices: I can run into the party and try to find a bathroom (hopefully there's no line), risking pooping myself in front of everyone, or I can run out behind a car and poop in the street in privacy (it's a quiet area). I opt to run out to the street. My friends turn and yell, 'Where are you going' all confused as I sprint away.

I drop my pants behind a car and start to go. Imagine your worst diarrhea ever, only ten times as big and splashy. And all of a sudden, one of my friends who was running behind pulls up and gets out of his car, and sees me and yells, 'OH MY GOD, EVERYONE COME QUICK! (My name here) IS TAKING A GIANT POOP IN THE STREET.'

Commence ten friends and MY DATE all turning and catching me fertilizing the asphalt. My date, a very cute and nice guy has the look of a deer in headlights. I'm still pooping. STILL. POOPING. With ten of my friends and my date watching from about fifteen feet away.

So I wrap up, grab my date and drive him back to his car in utter mortified silence. As he gets out, he says thanks for a good night and sorry about what happened, and hey says that he'd still like to hang out if I'm down. I didn't call or speak to him for a year out of embarrassment, but we did end up dating for the summer the next year."

This Blind Date Can't See His Problems
This Blind Date Can't See His Problems

"I got set up on a blind date with a friend's nephew. He called and told me I had to come pick him up, because his car had recently been stolen. I pick him up and ask where he wants to eat, and he suggests a really nice seafood place two towns over. I have to put gas in my car, so I get out and pump the gas, get back in and go to change the radio station. All of my radio presets are different. He laughed and said he'd changed them because, 'My music taste is a little funny, huh?'

Then we get to the restaurant, he orders the double lobster special, and he talks on his cell phone most of the time. At one point telling his friend on the other end that 'he'd give me about a 6 outta 10, but he hadn't seen me from behind real good yet.'

The bill comes, he tells me he forgot his wallet and I'm so angry, I can't even see when I sign the credit card slip. I go to take him home, and he convinces me to drop him off at a bar instead. I make like I'm going to park and come in like he wants, but I hang back in the parking lot, ready to run back to the car.

He comes running out of the bar with a Budweiser in his hand (forgot his wallet, eh?) and tells me to, 'Come inside' because there's an ex-girlfriend in there who just broke up with him, and he'd like to make out in front of her so she'd get jealous.

He tried to friend me on Facebook a while ago, which is when I quit Facebook."

Big Mac With A Side Of Imprisonment
Big Mac With A Side Of Imprisonment

"I'm a large, stereotypical masculine-looking guy, and I had been dating my then-girlfriend, a tiny, adorable girl with cherub cheeks, for about a year. It was during the dog days of summer near my freshman year of college, and we were both home living at our parents' houses, which happened to be really close to each other. This lead to us spending a lot of time together just doing regular stuff. One nondescript day, I asked if she would like to run to McDonald's for a quick lunch, and she agreed but said that she had to bring her younger sister along because she was babysitting. No big deal. We drive to McDonald's and order, get our food, and since it's a bit crowded head into the PlayPlace seating area to eat. There are several moms with kids playing around inside, but nothing out of the ordinary. We sit and eat, chatting for awhile about whatever, when suddenly I hear a stern voice behind me.

'Sir, I'm going to need you to step outside with me.'

I turn to see a very serious-looking policeman standing behind me. I tense up a bit, but I haven't done anything wrong so I'm not worried. I agree and step outside the PlayPlace doors and pause as he keeps walking. He notices my pause and turns again,

'ALL THE WAY OUTSIDE,' he hisses, and I begin to worry a bit more.

The door closes behind me as I step into the sweltering summer heat with the officer, who proceeds to stand silently and eye me with the most disgust I've ever experienced from another human. After an uncomfortably long silence, he asks me for my ID. I reach for my wallet, but find nothing. I realize with some degree of trepidation that I have left it in my car, parked not 50 feet away. I tell him and say that I can walk over and- he cuts me off, looking even more disgusted.

Another long pause...

'How old are you, boy?' he asks.

I tell him the truth, 16, and he looks unconvinced. I have absolutely no idea what I've done. My mind is racing for possible explanations but coming up with nothing. Could I have parked illegally? Maybe my plates are expired? How would he know it was me?

Yet another long pause filled with looks of disdain.

'How old are those two little girls in there?'


A switch goes off in my head and I realize what's happening. This guy thinks I've abducted two young girls to take home to my creepy cave.


'SHUT UP! We'll just see about that, won't we?'

He radios his partner over and tell him to take my girlfriend out another door to interrogate her. He does, and because neither of us have ID, he radios in our info to the police dispatch to check it out.

At this point everyone at the crowded McDonald's in my small hometown is watching me, a well-known resident and model citizen being interrogated by the police outside while my girlfriend freaks out on the other side of the building.

We wait, very tensely for dispatch to respond. Slowly the minutes pass...

'You're not going to believe this guys, but she's actually older than he is'

The cops look at each other in disbelief. I, the giant mature-looking 16 year old guy look down at my tiny 17-year-old girlfriend and breathe a long sigh of relief. The cops apologize profusely and tell us that a patron called in reporting that a, '27-year old-male was harassing two 12-year-old girls.'

I knew literally every person on McDonald's staff that day because we went to high school together. They knew what was up but thought it was too hilarious to interfere."

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